November 25, 1908
Kelowna, B. C.
My dearest Kathleen,
I have got to write a letter to you that is going to be very hard to write but I feel that I ought to in justice to you. Before I begin I will tell you that I love you and meant what I said in all my letters.
Some two years ago I made the acquaintance of a girl who was acting as lady help in a doctor’s house in town and gradually we became friends and I saw quite a lot of her, chiefly in the summer and autumn of 1907. I never supposed that I was doing any harm, especially as I had told her that there was a girl in England who meant more to me than anything else. When I came out again this spring I told her that I was engaged and after that we only met on chance occasions; and now it appears that she got to care for me quite a bit and now I feel a beast and it is only right that you should know all about it.
There has been a lot of talk in the place and I should never have thought that people would say the horrid things they do, for you must believe me, Katheen, when I tell you that there was no cause for it. I used to take her to shows and dances occasionally and used to go to see her at the house and I must confess that I have kissed her, but there didn’t seem to be much harm in that. I honestly didn’t think she was getting to care for me, as she always gave me the impression that there was someone at Vancouver that she did like. I thought we were just friends all the time. I am afraid you will despise me for this when you see how weak I am, but it is better that you should know now than afterwards.
I am awfully unhappy about this. It started so gradually and with no thought that any harm would come of it, and now it seems that everything has gone wrong and I feel ashamed to write to you. I only got a hint of this a week ago and today I found out all about it. I would have written before except that I thought it was all over. I didn’t know the real facts of the case. I had no idea that people were saying the things that I now hear they are, and they are not true, Kathleen, I swear they are not.
I don’t know what you will think of all this and I expect you would rather have facts than excuses. Even if you decide to have nothing more to do with me, I shall be glad I told you and would prefer that to marrying you under false colours, so to speak. It would be a dreadful thing for you to marry me and then find you couldn’t respect me. Perhaps you will understand and not make too much of an episode which only by accident has ended so disastrously. Can you forgive me, Kathleen, or have I forfeited your love? I have told you the truth of the whole case now and now I have got to wait a month before an answer comes. I feel absolutely wretched about it. I can’t think how I can have been so mad. Don’t think too badly of me, dear. I have never wavered in my love for you and that is the absolute truth, if you can understand it. I don’t know how I shall get along till your answer comes. You must forgive me, Kathleen. Can’t you send me a cable and put me out of my suspense? One word would do, “yes” or “no”. I don’t think it can be the latter and yet I feel blue enough to expect anything.
Yours as always,